It has been five years of having said “YES” to a different kind of life... A peaceful and calmer life that was in alignment with my Soul’s desires...

On the 17th of November, 2017 I started a non-return journey of self-discovery and self-actualisation that it is understood as: "separation" and "divorce".

And I thanked myself for having trusted my worth and my intuition at a very vulnerable time, when surrendering to the unknown and allowing things to unfold, with the only certainty that my Guardian Angels were guiding me and supporting me throughout the way, I decided I was no longer a victim of control, but a survivor. So, I carried my then 3-year-old daughter and our belongings, and embarked on a mission to show my little one what was to grow in a healthy environment.

But I did not know what was going to happen…

It took me practising the here and the now continuously, using the whole set of skills I have learned since I was a kid and learning new ones, living on a tight budget, taking bold risks and doing different things to get different results, and using my voice and believing in my power more than ever before. 

So, after 5 years of building a life by design, where I moved out of the fuss, the noise, and the hurry, to connect with the joy of being close to nature, of waking up with the birds, of the peaceful silence… I can say that this has been the most courageous and wisest decisions I have ever made.

I have gained a sense of inner grounding that has enabled me to provide a safe place for my daughter to grow, where she can play undisturbed in the beautiful surroundings and I can pop my head out of the window to call her when the food is ready.

I have opened doors of opportunities for both of us I did not even contemplate before.

I have stood up for my daughter, in different ways at different times… and I have the necessary strength to always do it whenever it is necessary.

I have learned to reverence her own pace and hold the space for her to grow naturally while appreciating the beautiful human she already is, in every single moment.

I have reinvented myself and have been creative, intentional and purposeful, to the point that I have become an author of children’s books and self-published my first picture book that promotes a childhood in tune with nature, thanks to the inspiration that I got from my daughter.

As a Doula, I have seen two babies born and given emotional support to their mothers and fathers during and after birth.

I have created meaningful, like-minded connections with people that are there for us.

And many more…

Yes, parenting my darling daughter after divorce almost by myself, whilst performing a conscious approach, being a migrant with No Recourse to Public Funds, no family around, and with an ex that I haven’t being able to Co-Parent with because we share the same child but not the same values, has been a very transformative journey, which has brought me more spiritual growth, expansion and resilience than any other experience in this lifetime.

This gets to be honoured and acknowledged, with deep gratitude!

So, I have gathered a list of the 11 Spiritual lessons I have learned from raising my child after divorce:

1.      Love has no limits, and at the same time, love is not enough to meet my daughter’s needs. She needs me present, aware, connected not only with her but with myself.

2.      This process of raising a child as a divorced parent always starts from me (I get to work on my own traumas, so that my motherhood does not get affected when I get triggered by my blindness).

3.      To challenge this selfish adult-centered paradigm of upbringing a child by standing up for my daughter against the injustices and the expectations that children have to sacrifice their fundamental rights for the sake of the adult’s desires.

4.      To set healthy boundaries that help us protect the sacred place we have created for ourselves. Our home is blessed with energies of love and we receive people that matches this frequency.

5.      To say NO unapologetically to things and actions that are opposed to my values as a conscious mother. This includes: mocking, name-calling, comparing, not trusting that children are wise and capable beings, using screens to calm children down, using food as a mean of distraction, not putting children’s best interest first than other people’s ones or activities, to keep doing and repeating the same toxic patterns from past generations… and the list goes on every time I revise and update my parenting views.

6.      To leave toxic people behind. We surround ourselves with people who want to see us well, who are caring, kind, trusting, supportive, friendly, compassionate, and who bring a positive and radiant light to our energy field.

7.      To transform any fear into trust and acceptance. I have learned to focus and act upon the perspective of “What if things go well”? rather than doing them with fear of “What if things go wrong”?

8.      To acknowledge that motherhood does not determine the end of the amount of fun that disappears when we become “single mothers”. I learned that being fully dedicated to my daughter, without the chance to replenish and nurture myself by taking care of me, does not give her the rooted mother that she needs. Because having the label of “single (or divorced) mother” does not mean that life has gone for me, or that I have to suffer the consequences of leaving the marriage, or that I am not entitled to create a time for enjoying myself and have some fun time.

9.      To know that I can be the mother that my daughter needs at every step of the journey, while also do an inspiring and fulfilling job, lead a nurturing and loving home, develop spiritually, and have a social life as well! 

10.  To identify what I want (and what I do not!), and to know the direction I want to take as a conscious being, who is in integrity with herself and whose actions match her beliefs.

11.  To know my Big Why of being a Mother to my child: that my most important role as her mother is to break the generational cycle of suffering women victims of the patriarchal discourse, and to set her free from any past traumas that do not belong to her.

I honour this journey and all its lessons, because I have realised that I am here to leave a legacy to this world by following my enthusiasm and being committed to my Calling.

And I thank each and every one of the angels that have been for us in the form of people, opportunities, or experiences, and that have held us high unconditionally and without hesitations.

Finally, I want to close with this mantra that keeps me grounded to my vision:

“Beautiful is the heart that stays in harmony with itself at all times”

(I learned it from the Eurythmy teacher at my daughter’s Waldorf school).

Kizzy Petit

Writer - Doula - Female Empowerment Coach