As my daughter grows, I experience new situations that invite me to look with a magnifying glass at myself, and to explore what is going on and why do I get triggered by certain things.

This is a permanent, never-ending process... It’s a continuous self-reflection, going within, asking questions to myself, making changes, adjustments, improvements, and moving on, taking action while navigating this marvellous journey of conscious parenting on my own, plus being in charge of my personal goals as a woman, who is also a daughter, a sister, a friend and a part of a community.

I have come up with game-changing questions that challenge my previous cultural background. Some of these questions are:

• Is she really doing something inappropriate or is it just my perception of what I expect as a mother?
• Do I need to make a fuss about this?
• Am I bringing my own baggage to the situation?
• Who is responding (Me as an adult or Me as a hurt child?)
• Have I been less than fully present, or distracted by the endless list of responsibilities?

...and so on... 

In this self-awareness process, I have noticed 20 big spiritual lessons I have learned from my daughter:

1. When I see myself reflected in her, I have the opportunity to transform any fear into trust and acceptance, because I acknowledge she is a unique individual, and that she deserves respect to make choices, to disagree with me, and to freely express her feelings without being judged or punished.
2. Don’t take things personally is key in this Conscious Parenting never-ending job. And acting like a victim or replying will not model any effective or positive way to solve a problem.
3. Doing a lot of personal work and diving deep into my own conditioning, negative patterns, and triggers is essential to understand myself enough to raise her with consciousness.
4. My commitment to raising an emotionally healthy human being is a constant practice of detachment, acceptance, and unconditional love.
5. I get to remind myself that I’m not to blame when she does or says something opposite of what I was expecting, by keeping this mantra on my mind: “her emotions aren’t always a reflection of my parenting”.
6. I get to avoid feeling guilty every time I am overwhelmed by the multitasking work I do as a single mother, because I can always breathe and start again, whenever I need to.
7. My daughter needs me calmed and well. I get to be gentle with myself!
8. I get to always trust myself above all! Trust my intuition, trust my powerful maternal instinct, trust my higher wisdom, my inner guidance, and always trust despite the challenges, the doubts, the judgements, and the critics, because there will come “easy - peasy” phases and there will definitely be some difficult ones, where I will need to remind myself to breathe and trust, because everything will turn out just fine!
9. By taking good care of me, I am able to properly look after my daughter, with a calm spirit and a sense of infinite wonder.
10. By being kind and respectful to others, I teach her how to treat others with the same kindness and respect that she deserves.
11. By being brave and strong, I show her that as women; we are enough amazing, creative, powerful and capable beings to do anything that resonates with our heart’s desires.
12. By being adventurous, I teach her how to live life’s adventures with a curious mindset.
13. By eating healthy, I show her how to nurture her body to be healthy from the inside.
14. By standing up for myself, for my ideas and beliefs, I show her how to do the same with hers.
15. By being grateful -and verbalising this in front of her- for every single day and experience, I show her to be grateful and appreciative as well.
16. By being resilient and overcoming every challenge with a positive attitude, I teach her that life is always good and that the Universe is by our side at all times, no matter how difficult the situation is.
17. By taking risks and being opened to feel uncomfortable about massive life’s changes, I show her that there are many ways of facing difficult circumstances, that we -and only us-, have the power to take decisions that might shift our physical experiences and that changes are always good.
18. By allowing myself to feel worthy to experience my soul’s desires, I teach her we are limitless and able to look beyond what society says it’s “right” or “wrong”, in order to generate what we want.
19. By connecting to my feminine power, I teach her it’s ok to take pauses, to make mistakes, to do things differently and to trust her own intuition, because she always knows what’s best for herself.
20. I have learned that the best way to teach her is by being me and by being self-conscious to improve and to be a better version of me, every single now.

All of this, leads me to be even more committed to myself and to the things that inspire my heart.

Of course, it is a hard work, for sure! But I realised I had to make myself conscious of my own traumas in order to not to pass them onto her, because I knew I had so much to heal, forgive and then unlearn and relearn many old negative patterns, if I wanted to raise my daughter how I would have wanted to grow myself: with nurturing presence, honesty, respect, kindness, and consciousness. So, I am mothering her and me at the same time.

Kizzy Petit

Author

Doula, Parenting and Women Coach